XHaiku's
by YoSafBridge
Summary: What happens when a boy has the audacity to insult my favourite X-Men in Haiku form. Not content to let him blemish my guys good name I wrote my own Haiku to show what kind of person/mutant he really is! And then got addicted to the format.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm thinking of doing a series of these, the whole X-group. It would certainly be fun for me as well as give me a never ending supply of subjects for the Haiku's I will have to write in class. I'm not giving away the X-Men in questions name, because honestly, if you cannot get who it is from the Haiku then I really should just commit hara kiri right now because I'm a horribly ineffectual writer._

_And so I present: My retaliation Haiku_

**_With fire and brimstone_**

**_A swashbuckling Demon_**

**_Kicks ass for the Lord_**

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and now, for the obligatory begging for feedback. It's tradition, otherwise I wouldn't bother...


	2. Chapter 2

_May I present: Ode to only slightly less furry than Nightcrawler..._

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_**A failed Samurai**_

_**Consumed by berserker rage**_

_**He really likes beer**_

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:) Reviews make me warm and fuzzy like a blue elf,

:( no reviews make me fly into a terrible rage, shrink an inch and pop my claws.


	3. Chapter 3

_May I present: Proof that comic books are meant for boys._

_**An African God…**_

_**And still, every few pages**_

_**She'll take off her clothes**_

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_I've reached a new low_

_Even my pathetic pleas_

_Have become Haikus…_

_please review._


	4. Chapter 4

_Here's me, posting 3 or so in one day to avoid having to post anything at all for a bit…_

_May I Present: The closest thing I'll get to becoming "Deep", REVAMP! With thanks to "CompleteLoser" for pointing out that I'm a complete loser.  
_

_**A brilliant mind**_

_**And poetic eloquence**_

_**Trapped within a beast**_

_**

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_Erm…um…I love you?_

_People say if you use those words enough they lose their meaning...but they do get the job done. You can't say no to someone who loves you!_ _Or then...you can...but still...I ramble...review please._


	5. Chapter 5

_This guy's a bit more obscure, but his "mutation" always made me laugh…_

_May I present: Stan Lee ran out of ideas and presented us with this Tony Stark Carbon Copy!_

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_**Tried to convince us**_

"_**Inventing" was a power…**_

_**No one bought it.**_

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So how's your day going? Any deep, personal secrets you'd like me to publish? Just click that little lavender button and tell me about it…I'll be you're personal bartender, need a light? A shoulder to cry on? Anything? I'll take it…or you can just leave a review…that be--fine--I guess…


	6. Chapter 6

_My brother told me to write one about Rogue, but I didn't feel like it so…_

_May I present: "I included her name okay! That counts…"_

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_**This yummy Cajun**_

_**Is every fan girls dream, but**_

_**Rogue could suck them dry…**_

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I've turned over a new leaf and I'm not going to solicit reviews this time. I'm going to be a better person, I'm going to be above that! But if I were to casually mention that I'm starved for love and attention and that clicking that little button down at the bottom would be very helpful to my overall health and self esteem...that's not the same is it?


	7. Chapter 7

_May I present: Statutory rape be damned…  
_

_**This thirteen year old**_

_**Had a penchant for "Peters"**_

_**Illegal or not…**_

_**: ) **_


	8. Chapter 8

_Introducing: The Poster Child for "Secondary Mutation"_

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**He used to be cool**

**Now everyone and their dogs**

**Fly without the wings**

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_I'm back baby! I got all pretty for you, did my make-up, spa treatment…the works! Darn that whole "I can't be seen over the Internet" thing though…just imagine the prettiest girl in the world and that's me I tell you! Now if you click the no longer lavender button (was it ever? Or am I just going insane?) and tell me how much you love me! …Okay, I also developed quite the ego in my time away B-T-Dub. _


	9. Chapter 9

_**What th--?, this is new…**_

_**I miss my yellow boxes**_

_**Somebody help me!**_

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_**Hey, quit it will'ya?**_

_**I'm feeling violated!**_

_**NO MORE POETRY!**_

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**_No, you shut your mouth!_**

**_That's it, I'm taking control!_**

**_These Haiku's are mine!_**

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_**One haiku a piece?!?**_

_**Not to the Merc with the mouth!**_

_**I gots four - BOOYAH!**_

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**Nothin' can stop me!**

**Not even loser fangirls!**

**I own this poetry!**

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_**NOO! I'm not DONE YET!!!!**_

_**You'll never take me alive!**_

_**GET OFF! *ARGH**KaBOOM!***_

_**

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**_

.....

.......

.....

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**_You know I can't die?_**

**_How many I got?… Seven?_**

**_Take that Wolverine!_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**This kindly villain**_

_**Is the coolest guy ever**_

_**To wear purple tights**_

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_Clearly I've moved into Villain (Or at least less heroic) territory...I like 'em better anyhow. I quit soliciting for reviews...:)**  
**_


	11. Chapter 11

_Presenting: I couldn't fit the lines "Oh and he's a cheating A'hole" in there anywhere...  
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**  
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**_The Perfect Leader_**

**_If someone could just remove_**

**_The stick from his butt_**

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_Every few months I get the urge to write something…but I don't want to do a lot of work. Thus, the continuation of the "I feel satisfied without having to take that much time out of my day" story. Seriously, everyone should try it. _


	12. Chapter 12

_Special one day offer: Two Haiku's for the price of one...presenting: The Characters I hate to hate. The characters I want to die a slow torturous death...and luckily, being Marvel comics, they mostly did (at least in some of the AU series). _

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**_He must be "lucky"_**

**_To attract so many woman_**

**_Despite the mullet_**

**_ ******  
_**

**_This whiney starlet_**

**_Embodies the reasons that_**

**_Disco is now dead._**

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_**

_--What's worse is they introduced some romantic sub-plot for these two...the most cringe worthy, vomit inducing, incredibly boring to read pairing ever published...well, prior to Twilight at least (sorry, sorry...cheap shot, I know *ducks to avoid fruit_*)

Hate mail now please :P.


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